With apologies to Charlie Daniels, who may not even know what a triathlon is.
The Devil went up to Baraboo, he was looking for soul to steal.
He was in a bind ‘cos he was way behind:
He was willing to make a deal.
When he came across this young man pedalin’ on a Pilot and ridin’ it hot
And the devil jumped on a hickory stump and said,
“Boy, let me tell you what,
“I bet you didn’t know it, but I’m a triathlete too.
“And if you’d care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you
“Now you run a pretty good triathlon, boy, but give the devil his due:
“I bet a cycle of gold against your soul, ‘cos I think I’m better than you.”
The boy said, “My name’s Jonny and it might be a sin,
“But I’ll take your bet, you’re gonna regret, ‘cos I’m the best that’s ever been.”
Jonny you clip into your bike and ride that cycle hard.
‘Cos hell’s broke loose in Baraboo and the Devil deals it hard.
And if you finish you’ll wear your pride much shinier than gold
But if you quit, the Devil gets your soul.
The Devil laid out the course and he said: “I’ll start this show.”
And hills flew from his fingertips for the bikes to go.
And he pulled one climb after another, and Jonny wanted to cry.
Then a band of breezes came along and Jonny wanted to die.
When the Devil finished, Jonny said: “That’s pretty steep, ol’son.
“But if you’ll sit down in that chair, right there, let me show you how it’s done.”
Fire in my hamstrings, run boys, run.
My quads are burnin’ like the risin’ sun.
Calves are screaming, knees like dough.
“Jonny, does this hill bite?”
“No, Devil, no.”
The Devil bowed his head because he knew that he’d been beat.
The finish line lay just ahead in front of Jonny’s feet.
Jonny said: “Devil, I’ll come on back and run this race again.
“I told you once, you bitch of a race, I’m the best that’s ever been.”
And I swam in the Devil’s lake, run boys, run.
Biked the hills of Baraboo ‘til I was done.
Runnin’ on tired legs like warm Jell-o
“Jonny, did you give up?”
“No, Devil, no.”